Recollection in the Desert
It is the second week of the spring semester, and classes are starting back up. I always love coming back to the seminary because it feels like a base camp for training, similar to the military. Here, so much friction is removed from our lives that could possibly hinder us from pursing the Lord. However, modern seminaries have it so well off in terms of comforts that it is quite a temptation to just coast and never develop any virtues. Sure, we have a rule of life that requires an above average amount of prayer on top of academic studies, but if I am just meeting my obligations, I am quite confident that I will eventually regress.
An area that I focused much of my thought towards during Advent and Christmas was the practice of recollection. The practice of recollection is nothing more than recognizing the presence of God in our lives, but doing it regularly and throughout the day. Over winter break, I lived at a nice suburban parish with access to a chapel 24/7, daily Mass, and even a bit of part time maintenance work. It was a nice environment to slow down and focus on prayer, but I realized how weak I actually am with my devotion. Many days I would find myself victim to YouTube rabit holes or things related to college football. It was still sinful even if Ohio State won the championship in the end. I had ample time to pray the divine office, but I usually didn't. I had easy access to pray a daily holy hour, but I didn't always. Oh how weak is my devotion to Our Lord. I failed in all of these ways, but I also took pleasure in pointing my finger at neighboring parishes that look dead inside. How full of pride and void of charity is my heart!
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I forget when this entered my head (it could have been anywhere from prayer to a deep shower thought), but the casino scene from Percy Jackson and The Lighting Thief came to mind. For context, this group of three friends are on a time sensitive, divine mission to find Zeus' lighting bolt which had been stolen by somebody. One of their stops is at a casino, and this casino happens to feed its guests these flower cookies. The cookies put everybody into a trance in order to have them never leave. Once the staff finds out that Percy has figured out the trap, they try to stop him from leaving.
Is this not what the very goals of our internet devices are aimed towards? They want to keep us prisoner and to never leave. Not only that, but this is what Satan wants from all of us. He doesn't want us to worry about his presence or how terrible he is. He just wants us to not care about anything except our own pleasure. He doesn't want us to be in tune with reality and recollect with our Creator. Once we figure this out, he tries to attack us with temptation. Oh how similar reality is to this movie.
Now that I am back at the seminary, I am doing Exodus 90 with a small group of guys. My goal for this isn't to increase my quantity of structured prayer much, but it is to remove all of my distractions and coping mechanisms. As as result, I hope to recollect with God more frequently and with greater devotion. Like I said at the beginning, the seminary is one of the best places and worst places to develop virtue because not many trials are placed on us passively. We must actively seek purgation in order to unite ourselves closer to Our Crucified Lord. It has only been three days into the journey, and I have loved how much more aware and intentional I am able to be with my time.
I am also grateful that Our Lord accepts spiritual sacrifices from us because when temptations come, I am able to think of who / what I am offering my sacrifices for. Just before I turn the handle to begin my cold shower, I find myself NEEDING to recollect not only with God, but my prayer intention. Somehow, an act of discipline and temperance also allows me to grow in charity for those I am offering penance for. How great is our God that he is able to work in this way.
"Penance and contemplation are, so far as we are concerned, as closely connected as our two eyes or our two hands" - The Ways of Mental Prayer by Rt. Rev. Deom Vitalis Lehodey
St Anthony of the Desert (whose feast day was last week)
Ora Pro Nobis!