Over our holiday break, I had the amazing opportunity to attend the SEEK conference that FOCUS puts on every year. Last year was my first national SEEK conference, but I went as a student. This year, I had the opportunity to participate in the seminarian experience which exceded my expectations on so many levels.
I could probably write many different posts about some of the talks that I attended (maybe I will), but I just want to discuss the fruit that I experienced in prayer at the conference.There were many moments of consolation in prayer at the conference, but the best moment I had was Thursday night. After the evening keynotes, Judah and the Lion was performing a concert, but I felt led to simply spend some extra time in adoration. I was amazed when I walked into the chapel because there were, no joke, thousands of other college students with the same desire. I haven't ever seen that before at a conference like this!
If any of you have spent time with me talking about the Eucharistic Revival, you know that I have some issues with how we pitch the Eucharist to the young church, especially high schoolers. We turn Holy Mass into this ceremony where the climax is receiving the Eucharistic presence of our Lord. The theology of the Mass becomes something that places us at the center which is incorrect. It can sort of turn into worship of ourselves if we are the telos of the liturgy. The purpose of the Mass is to enter into the timeless, heavenly liturgy and attach our own offerings to the one Sacrifice of Calvary to God the Father. Many people say Vatican II ruined the mass, but it clearly outlines the purpose of the mass here:
Sacrosanctum Concilium Paragraph 48:
"They (the laity) should give thanks to God; by offering the Immaculate Victim, not only through the hands of the priest, but also with him, they should learn also to offer themselves; through Christ the Mediator [38], they should be drawn day by day into ever more perfect union with God and with each other, so that finally God may be all in all."
That afternoon, I had just heard a talk for the seminarians given by Bishop Cozzens on living a sacrifical life as a priest and uniting it with Jesus' during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Bishop Cozzens made this abudnantly clear to us and it was simply refreshing to hear.
In prayer that night, the doctrine of Heaven and Hell and Purgatory made sense to me in a whole new, personal way. I heard the Lord intimately speak something like this:
Until today, you (Connor) have not understood what judgment day will be like. Judgment day will not be based upon your faith in me alone. It also will not be based upon your good works.
Your judgment day will be based upon the extent that you have fully given yourself to Me. I am your Bridegroom, and you are a member of My Bride.
At Calvary, upon the altar of the Cross, I gave My entire self to you perfectly. In Heaven, everything is perfect. If you are to arrive in Heaven, then you must be able to unite yourself perfectly to Me by laying down your life for Me. The Mass of Heaven must be perpetual because I am always giving my full self to you, and My Bride offers Her full self back to Me.
I AM WHO I AM. I am constant, never changing, always in pursuit of you.
I enter into marriage under the same conditions that I ask My brothers and sisters to on Earth: Free, Total, Faithful, and Fruitful. I cannot force my yearning for marriage upon those who do not desire to choose it. I have prepared a place called Purgatory to help elevate everybody's vows towards Me to a perfect standard. It is possible to do this on Earth, but many do not find it. The first was the Blessed Mother; look to her for guidance in this. Those who descend into Hell do so not because of a lack of my perfect love, mercy, and grace, but because of their absolute refusal to make these vows to Me. I do not force these vows upon anybody.
It is through this joining of love that I glorify My Heavenly Father. In the unity of the Holy Spirit, I am able to offer My sacrifice and yours to Him both for the Glory of His name and the salvation of My Bride.
I know that you do not fully understand My Father's role in this, but you will as you unite yourself to Him. It is good that you have found such faith and intimacy in Me and My sacrifice for you. It is through Me that you will come to abide with The Father in unity with the Holy Spirit. This is what it means to share of divine nature.
Do not be afraid to take a large risk for Me. It may be more comfortable to focus on fine tuning and small adjustments, but the adventure that awaits you will not be found in these. When you struggle to find offerings to bring to mass, remember this and offer your large risks, as well as your small ones, when you take them.
This is a paraphrase of what the Lord spoke to me that night, but it is difficult to journal down everything in words, in the moment. The Holy Spirit speaks in groanings beyond words sometimes, and this was one of those moments. As I have come down from my Mount Tabor experience, I already find myself settling back into some older and comfortable habits. However, the one big "risk" that I am committing myself to this semester is re-reading the entire New Testament. Fr. Josh Johnson gave the seminarians a little bit of of a call-out at a social one evening. He made it clear that he is sick of us worrying more about Rome, or even our saintly devotionals, than entering into the Word of God. Why would we not want to spend time with the living, infallible Word?
I still have lots to unpack from SEEK24, but this was the highlight of the conference for me. I will continue to pray with what I wrote in my journal that week as I go on through the rest of the school year.